Monday, June 19, 2006

Hopelessly Devoted, Chapter 7

Season 4, during "Devoted"
Rating: Adult. If you're under eighteen, please go elsewhere now.
Disclaimer: These characters belong to the WB and DC Comics, not to me.

Late that evening I limped into the darkness of the barn and headed painfully up the stairs to my loft. I'd managed to blunder into a clue as to what was going on with Chloe. The cheerleaders were spiking the Gatorade. I didn't know why, and I wasn't sure with what, exactly, but I did know it included meteor rocks.

I knew this because I'd been unfortunate enough to take a sip of the stuff, and all my powers had vanished. All of a sudden I was vulnerable to injury, and my stomach hurt like hell. The assistant coach made me play anyway, and I'd taken some pretty hard hits. As a result I was sore. I almost never have to deal with sore muscles, and I'd been whining to myself all the way home.

I'm a big wimp when it comes to pain.

Anyway, I was looking forward to lying on my couch for a while and waiting for the kryptonite to work itself out of my system. But as I came up the stairs, I saw Chloe sitting on the couch, waiting for me.

Earlier I'd worried that if she came on to me again, I might not be able to resist her if she was wearing nothing but a jersey and a smile. But apparently I didn't have to worry about that tonight.

Because she'd skipped the jersey.

All my aches and pains immediately vanished, and I developed a whole new ache. A big one. I dropped my bookbag to the floor with a thud and stood staring at her.

"Hi," she said, smiling brightly.

My mouth wasn't working, so I just stood and looked at her stupidly. I know it probably sounds like this kind of thing happens to me a lot, but I swear, a naked girl in my loft isn't an everyday occurrence. I didn't have a clue what to do, and the gears in my brain just ground to a halt.

The only thing I could think was, Wow.

Followed immediately by, OhGodmyparentsaregoingtokillme.

With a superhuman effort-- and considering I didn't feel very superhuman right now, that was saying something-- I somehow got my mouth working again. "Chloe," I said, trying to sound disapproving. "I thought you were with Lois."

"Lois is boring," she said, stretching langorously, in a way that made her breasts bounce up and down. My eyes pretty much popped out of their sockets, and my jaw hit the floor. "I decided I'd rather spend time with you."

I walked carefully around the perimeter of the loft, keeping as far away from her as possible. I was afraid that if I got within arms' length I might just reach out and grab her. Let's face it, I'm not exactly a master of self-control when it comes to Chloe.

Especially when she's, you know, stark naked.

"Um," I said. "I appreciate that, Chlo. But the thing is, I've had a pretty rough afternoon. I got beat up pretty bad at practice."

"Poor thing," she crooned. "Want me to rub your back?"

I really wished she hadn't said that. Because the image of her giving me a backrub flashed into my mind, and all of a sudden I desperately wanted her to rub my back.

And my front, too.

My brain seemed to be veering into the ditch, and I struggled to get it back on the road. "No," I said. "I'm fine. I just need some ice."

I had gotten around her safely, and I opened the door of my little fridge, reached in, and got some ice. I pulled up my shirt a little and pressed it against my worst pain, a bad bruise on my ribs.

"I can do that for you," she said softly, getting up and stalking toward me.

I stumbled backward and promptly ran up against my desk, knocking pens and papers to the floor."I'm fine, Chlo. Thanks."

She stopped right in front of me, put her hands on my chest, and pushed. I sat down on the edge of the desk. Not my fault, because I'd lost my powers.

And yeah, I'm lying through my teeth. Powers or no powers, I outweigh Chloe by almost a hundred pounds, and she can't push me around unless I let her. I shouldn't have let her. But I just couldn't seem to help it.

"Chloe," I said, struggling to be responsible. My voice sounded gravelly and hoarse, but at least words were coming out. "Something's wrong with you. The cheerleaders are spiking the Gatorade."

"I feel fine," she said, smiling into my eyes.

Without any direction from my brain, one of my hands reached out and settled on the smooth, silky skin of her hip. Yeah, she felt fine, all right. She felt better than fine. She felt amazing.

I tried to focus my wandering attention. Where was I again? Oh, yeah.

"No, Chloe," I said, more firmly. "You're under some kind of influence. I wasn't sure last night, but I am now. And we aren't... doing anything. Because you might regret it later."

"Trust me," she whispered, leaning toward me and brushing her lips over my throat. "I'm not going to regret this. Ever."

She put a bare thigh on either side of my jeans-clad legs, straddling me, and moved forward so that her body was pressed up against mine, and I totally forgot about the pain in my ribs. I forgot about everything except her, the way she smelled, the way her body felt against me, the way her skin felt under my hand.

Oh, God. I was in so much trouble.

Chloe reached up, slid a hand behind my head, and pulled my face down to hers. I told myself to push her away and move out of reach. It was good advice, but I didn't seem to be listening to myself, because before I knew it her lips were lightly stroking over mine.

And then I heard footsteps.

I yanked my head up and saw Lex Luthor standing at the top of the stairs, staring at us.

Lex wore an expression composed of equal parts surprise and amusement, and I felt my cheeks turn crimson. There was absolutely no way I could explain this situation away. I mean, I had a lapful of naked girl. There was no possible innocent explanation that anyone would accept. Especially not Lex.

"I'm sorry," Lex said at last, very gravely. Only someone who knew him very well could possibly hear the humor beneath his solemn tone. I'd known him a long time, and I could tell he was fighting laughter. "I didn't realize you were... entertaining."

"I'm not..." I attempted to shove Chloe off my lap, but she had a death grip on my t-shirt and wouldn't budge. I looked helplessly over her head. "We just, uh..."

"Believe it or not, Clark, I don't think I need you to draw me a picture." He gave his sardonic smile.

Lex and I were on the outs right now, because he'd dug into my past once too often, but that didn't mean he was going to blab this all over town. At least I didn't think he would. Even so, I made another effort at explaining what was going on. "Lex, it's not what you think."

He lifted an eyebrow. "Are you sure?"

Chloe chose that moment to start kissing my neck again, and I gritted my teeth. "Yes. No. I think so."

"Ah," he said. "Glad we straightened that out." He gave his half-smile. "Sorry to have interrupted, Clark. Maybe I'll drop by tomorrow instead."

He turned around... and bumped right into Lois.

Lois stood on the top step of the staircase, blinking at the two of us, and she looked a lot more shocked than Lex had. Lex was something of a womanizer, and the idea of a guy having a naked woman in his lap obviously didn't faze him. Lois, on the other hand, looked like she'd caught me holding down Chloe while she screamed for help.

"I just knew you were leading her on," she said furiously.

Oh, no. I was seriously dead. I wasn't invulnerable right now, and Lois was going to kick the shit out of me. I just knew it.

"Lois," I said. "Uh..."

"This isn't what it looks like," Lex said helpfully. "At least that's what he says."

"He's full of crap."

"No," I said desperately. "I swear, this isn't my fault. I mean, not entirely."

"I'm going to kill him," Lois snarled, and lunged for me.

Lex grabbed her before she could murder me, and she struggled. Lois can kick ass, but Lex is no slouch in the self-defense department, fortunately for him. He immobilized her, but she kept snarling angry expletives in my direction. Meanwhile, Chloe continued kissing my throat, so "devoted" to me that she seemed totally oblivious to the scuffle behind her.

I gave serious thought to just jumping out the window.

"Clark?" With a terrible sense of impending doom, I heard my mom's voice as she came up the stairs. I'd let myself get distracted by Chloe and hadn't been paying enough attention to what was going on around me. Major oversight on my part, I realized as my mom stuck her head over the railing. A little superhearing could have helped me avoid this whole situation. But it was too late now. I was screwed, and not in a good way.

Mom froze and stared blankly, with an expression on her face that I really couldn't begin to interpret. I didn't think I wanted to interpret it.

"Your son," Lois growled, still struggling, "is a pervert."

"This isn't what it looks like," Lex explained gravely.

Chloe turned and smiled at my mom, totally nude and utterly unselfconscious about it. "I'm in love with your son," she said with a bright smile.

"Oh, God." I groaned and dropped my head into my hands. "Someone just kill me now."

"I plan on it," Mom said.

Read Chapter 8 here.


sanaazzy said...


Poor Clark..and Chloe..(when she comes out her stupor) omg the humiliation.

Anonymous said...

OMG I CAN'T STOP LAUGHING! Lex, Lois, Chloe and Clark, the situation! I love this Lex reminds me of him earlier and I fall in love![loved him in the beginning] Also laughed at this: Oh, no. I was seriously dead. I wasn't invulnerable right now, and Lois was going to kick the shit out of me. I just knew it.

God this is hilarious! Love it


kymmi said...

Wow, that's hilarious. I loved how Lex just kept trying to defend Clark... It's not what it looks like. No, really. I think.

lol. On the bright side, Chloe's slightly psychotic ignorance of the goings on of the rest of the loft will surely convince eeeeveryone that there's something wrong with her. Maybe then, Clark can escape and take a cold shower. Or something.

mmmarmalade said...

Oh man, this was priceless! The look on Martha's face...Lex saying 'this isn't what it looks like'.....Hilarious.

blackheart_me said...

LOL Clark's a big wimp when it comes to pain, loved that :D. OH MAN! SHE GOT THERE COMPLETELY NAKED? lol well at least she wants to soothe him while seducing him as she offers to rub his back :P. The addition of Lex to that awkward situationi was BRILLIANT Elly. I love how his questions had Clark babbling :D. OH CRAP LOIS! Oh, no. I was seriously dead. I wasn't invulnerable right now, and Lois was going to kick the shit out of me. I just knew it.*ROTFL* OMG ELLY!! U KILL ME! I LOVE U! LOL!!
I swear one day I'm going to die from lack of oxygen :P
I can't blieve even Martha came in...and not only that but Lex's line "This isn't what it looks like." made me laugh even harder. & ur last lines. *sighs happily*

mother_lulu said...

LMAO and having a realllllly difficult time keeping quiet!! Oh my goodness this is freaking hallarious! So perfect!!

Anonymous said...

ELLY OMFG!!!!!! LOL!!!!!!LMFAO!!!!!!! OMG!!!! *wiping away tears* Lex walking in on them with his smugness.... Lois walking in on them.... Clark afraid she's gonna "kick his ass"... LOL!!... and just when I thought it couldn't get any better.... BAM!!!!... Here comes Mama Kent!!! LOL!!!! And Chloe is just totally oblivious to them! LOL!!!! And Clark's embarassment at the whole and Lex kept repeating... "oh, it's not what you think"... LOL!! That is so totally Lex!!!! LMAO!!!!! I'm sorry I can't stop laughing.... LOL!!!! *falls out of chair*...LOL!!!! ELLY, YOU ARE A GODSEND, REALLY!!!!!

Anonymous said...

OMG, i havent laughed like that in a LONG time thank you

Anonymous said...

This is too funny. Especially Lex. I LOVE Lex in this one.

Anonymous said...

"This isn't what it looks like."

Okay, that absolutely killed me.

pigtails5 said...

Oh god that was so funny. I loved when lex kept repeating 'this isn't what it looks like'