Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Hopelessly Devoted, Chapter 9

Season 4, during "Devoted"
Rating: Adult. If you're under eighteen, please go elsewhere now.
Disclaimer: These characters belong to the WB and DC Comics, not to me.

"Ohhhhh. Mmmmmmm."

The next night I found myself making out with a girl. She was pretty and popular and pretty much any high school guy's wet dream. But not mine. I was totally disinterested, because she wasn't Chloe.

Yeah, I know, making out with one girl when I'm interested in another makes me sound like a major dog. But I wasn't making out with this girl Mandy because I liked her. I was making out with her because Lois had done a little investigating of her own and figured out Mandy, the head cheerleader, was the one who'd come up with the idea of spiking of the Gatorade.

Just like I'd guessed, she and the other cheerleaders were trying to make their boyfriends more devoted to them. They'd spiked the drinks at practice with kryptonite, as well as something called phenylethylamine, "the love molecule."

Anyway, Lois had told me all this, then looked at me with an evil smile. "The cheerleaders are having a pool party tonight, Clark. How do you look in swim trunks?"

I started to stammer awkwardly, and she grinned, obviously enjoying my discomfort. "We need to find out if there's a cure, Smallville. This is your chance to atone for your sins."

"Sins? What sins?"

"You took advantage of my cousin."

"That was so not my fault."

"Yeah, because Chloe's such a big, strong bruiser she can push you around and do whatever she wants with you." Her grin faded, and she glared at me. "You had her on your lap stark naked, farmboy. After you told me you knew there was something wrong with her, you were still going to..."

"No, I wasn't," I said, but kind of weakly. If half the population of Smallville hadn't unexpectedly shown up in my loft, I wasn't sure what I might have done.

"Oh, yeah, you most certainly were." Her eyes narrowed into dangerous slits. "Look here, Smallville, this is how it's going to be. Either you go to this pool party, or I beat the hell out of you."

I'm not stupid. I went to the pool party.

Anyway, Lois was right. I needed to find a cure for Chloe. Presumably it would wear off eventually, because the cheerleaders wouldn't keep dosing the Gatorade otherwise, but I wanted to help Chloe now. Besides, there were other people involved here, and we needed to cure all of them before someone got seriously hurt.

So I was lying on a table in the weight room underneath this cheerleader Mandy, trying to pretend I liked making out with her, or at least that I didn't find her totally repulsive, while Lois snuck around the room, trying to grab Mandy's papers and see if she knew of a cure.

"Ohhhhh," I moaned into Mandy's mouth as I kissed her, thinking I needed drama lessons or something. I didn't sound convincing, even to myself. "Mmmmm."

Yuck. The problem was that she was really kind of a gross kisser. Her kisses were way too wet, and there was a weird taste in her mouth. Like she'd had a cigarette earlier in the evening or something. Bleah.

Mandy didn't seem to notice that I was faking it. She stood up, practically dragged me to my feet, and pulled me across the room. I managed to snag the bag with her papers in it. She dropped onto the desk and yanked me down on top of her, and I dropped the bag to the floor, hoping Lois would snag it. She did, and I heard her creep stealthily out of the room.

And then Mandy stripped off my shirt.

Oh, crap. This girl was seriously aggressive. I hoped Lois hurried, or I was going to wind up losing my virginity to a girl who tasted like an ashtray. Not exactly a memory to treasure for the rest of my life.

Mandy kept running her hands over my chest, and I swear, I hardly felt any reaction at all. Chloe could touch my cheek and I fell over. This girl could do practically anything to me, and I hardly noticed.

And then she got on top of me and grabbed hold of the front of my swim trunks. "So," she said, smiling. "How far do you want to go?"

I wanted to stop about ten minutes ago, I thought. Why on earth had I let Lois talk me into this stupid plan? "Uh..." I said, not sure if Lois still needed me to keep Mandy occupied.

"Right about there would be great, thanks," Lois said.

I arched my head back and was relieved to see Lois and Chloe walking into the room. Mandy looked up, then shot me an accusing glare and slid off me. I scrambled off the table, grabbed my t-shirt, and ran like a scared rabbit.

I hid behind Chloe and Lois and yanked my shirt back on. "You okay, Chloe?"

"I'm... fine." Chloe looked over her shoulder at me, and I saw a flash of confusion and dismay in her eyes. All of a sudden I realized she didn't really know what was going on, and from her perspective I'd been making out with some girl only a day after I'd made out with her.

And that was assuming she even remembered making out with me. Even if she did, she probably regretted it. More so now that she'd seen me sucking face with a cheerleader.

Oh, God. How do I get myself into these disasters?

Mandy tossed her blonde head. "I don't believe you, Clark."

"Oh, please," Lois said. "Do you know how pathetic it is you have to resort to chemicals to control your boyfriends?"

"I'm sick of being a distant second to a football," Mandy hissed.

I had a feeling I was about to see a catfight, so I broke in before their exchange could get any more heated. "What took you guys so long?"

"Lois was attacked by a crazy plumber," Chloe said.

"That's right," Lois agreed.

I blinked, confused, then decided I probably didn't need to know what the hell they were talking about. Sometimes it's better not to even try to understand women. "So did you find a cure?"

"Yeah," Lois said. "I accidentally burned her on the furnace in the boiler room. She snapped right out of it."

"So... it's the heat. Heat is the cure?"

"Looks that way," Lois said.

Chloe looked around. "Guys, where's Mandy?"

Lois looked over her shoulder, then glared at me. "Great, Clark. You let her go. You just had one little thing to do..."

"Me?" I was getting seriously tired of Lois' attitude. I knew she was just being protective of her cousin, and I could respect that. Still, that didn't stop me from wanting to strangle her. "You were closer to the door!"

"Guys..." Chloe broke into our argument as Mandy stalked back in. She crossed her arms and glared at us.

"You're going to wish you never crossed me," she said angrily.

"Yeah?" Lois grinned. "What are you going to do, cheer us to death?"

Five big guys armed with baseball bats swaggered in behind her.

"Oh, great," said Lois. "Here comes the love squad."

I stepped forward, putting myself between the girls and the football players. Most of the team were usually fairly decent guys, but under the influence of this love molecule stuff, people seemed to go wacko pretty easily.

I didn't want Chloe or Lois getting hurt, and I didn't want to get involved in a fight. I wasn't afraid of baseball bats now that my abilities were fully restored, but I didn't particularly want anyone to see one shatter to pieces over my head, either. I decided retreat was the best option.

"Let's go," I said, putting a protective arm around Chloe and pulling her out the door. "Come on, Lois."

Naturally, Lois didn't follow. I heard her fingernails-on-a-blackboard voice saying, "Bring it on, hotshot!"

God, the girl was as dumb as a post. I swear. Who takes on five big guys armed with baseball bats? Chloe was smart enough to come along without argument, but Lois doesn't have a lick of sense. I honestly don't know how the girl manages to avoid getting run over when she crosses the road. She's that dense.

As I went back into the weight room, I saw she had managed to kick one of the guys in the stomach, knocking him into the others, and they were all in a confused pile. Pretty good work, I admitted grudgingly. The girl might be dumb, but she could kick like a mule.

Lois looked up at the pipe over our heads, which said, Caution- Hot. "Got any explosions up your sleeves, Smallville?"

I sighed as the guys struggled to their feet. I'd hoped to get out of this without any use of my powers, but Lois had pretty much screwed up our retreat. The guy she'd kicked bared his teeth, hefted his bat, and said, "You're going to pay, bitch."

Obviously it was too late to just get Lois out of the room, even if I could convince her to go. I didn't have a lot of choice in the matter. I looked up at the pipe and let my heat vision go.

The pipe burst, and steam flooded the room, burning the guys, who all fell to the floor.

Lois stared at me suspiciously. "Okay. What the hell just happened?"

I shrugged. "Uh, it looks like the pipe just broke or something. Pretty lucky, huh?"

Lois stared at the pipe for a moment, looking dazed, then seemed to shrug it off. "You better hope for that kind of luck on the football field tomorrow, Smallville."

She turned around and left the room, and I trailed after her. Forget football. Football was not at the top of my mind right now.

I'd need all the luck I could get when I talked to Chloe.

Read Chapter 10 here.


sanaazzy said...


Anonymous said...

He's such a sweet heart and i gotta admit Lois makes me laugh here.


kymmi said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
kymmi said...

I deleted my sleep-deprived slightly deranged rant, and I'm going to replace it with a (hopefully) more coherent comment.

Clark clearly has no love for Lois, that dense, nails-on-a-chalkboard, mule.

He better make Chloe feel better, though. He's super great at hurting her feelings.

blackheart_me said...

Ahh the protective cousin strikes =] lol. Man Clark gets himself into tight spots hu, all for reporter goodness :). lol poor Clark maybe losing his virginity to the wrong woman. Damn Mandy is fiery, and she gets other guys to help. aww I love that Chloe was what he was thinking about :)