Saturday, January 19, 2008

Always

Manip by leothelion. Used with the permission of the artist.

Clark/Chloe
Season 6, "Zod"
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: These characters belong to the CW and DC Comics, not to me.
Title inspired by the manip above!

The world is crumbling around my ears, and I'm sitting here writing. I guess that's what journalists do. I can't seem to think of anything else to do, anyway.

I can't seem to think of anything but you.

I got caught out in the riots on the streets, and was saved by Lionel Luthor, of all people. I limped back to the Daily Planet and did my best to find information on the virus that's shutting everything down. It's the wee hours of the morning, and people are still rioting outside. I'm still searching, trying to find answers.

But I'm writing, too. I have things to say, things I didn't have a chance to say earlier.

Things I've had plenty of chances to tell you over the years, but never quite managed to say.

Things that if you come back, I'll never, ever actually dare to tell you, because I'm a big wuss when it comes to dealing with emotions.

When I grabbed you last night, I said, I don't know if I'll ever see you again. But I don't want you to think that's the only reason I kissed you.

I kissed you because I wanted to. Because I've always wanted to.

I kind of expected you to pull back a little, maybe tell me what you told me last time: I'm sorry, Chloe, but I just don't feel that way about you. Not right now.

But instead, you kissed me back.

You kissed me back like you'd always wanted to kiss me, too. Like you might kiss me forever, if the world wasn't falling down around our ears. You wrapped your arms around me and pulled me right up against you. I finally had to push you away.

And that is totally not what I expected.

The problem is that I literally don't know if I'll see you again. You went off to save the world, because that's what you do. It's who you are. I understand that.

I understand you.

And you understand me, too, more than anyone else ever has. You know what makes me tick. And you knew when you left me behind that I'd do my best to help. Because helping you is what I do. It's who I am.

And I'm not sure I'm comfortable with that, honestly. Sure, I want to be on the side of the angels. I want to be one of the good guys. But do I really want to define myself as "the girl who helps Clark"?

Sometimes I think maybe I need to pull back from you a little. I mean, yeah, if you really, truly need help, I'll always be there. I'm always up for saving the world.

But the thing is, I'm trying to learn how to save the world on my own. I may not have superpowers, but I want to be a reporter. I want to get the truth to the people. It's what I've always wanted.

And the truth is, when I spend all my time helping you, I don't have the time to be a reporter. At least, I don't have the time to be the reporter I want to be.

Anyway, I wonder-- do you really need all the help I give you? Couldn't you do some of it on your own? You've got that amazing alien brain, after all. I remember the day you sat there in your loft and recited the first act of Julius Caesar, word for word, just to show me you could. You've got massive quantities of information stashed away in your brain. I'm quite certain you could learn to hack if you wanted to, probably better than I can.

The truth is, you don't need me as much as you think you do.

And maybe... just maybe... I don't need you as much as I think I do.

If you come back-- no. When you come back. I know you're coming back. Deep down, I know it. You have a future, a destiny, and it doesn't end here. I won't believe it can end here.

So when you come back, maybe it would be a good idea for you and I to take a little step back. To try to get along without relying on each other so much. Maybe it would be a good idea for me to focus on my career, and for you to focus on saving the world, without relying on your sidekick quite so much.

But if you really need me, I'm there. And don't think this means you don't mean something to me. Trust me, you mean an awful lot to me. When I kissed you... I meant it. I meant every second of it.

And I want to kiss you again, someday. Someday when you and I have established a little separation, a little distance... then maybe we can kiss again.

But not until then. Because I don't want to think of myself as "the girl who helps Clark Kent," or even "the girl who helps Clark Kent save the world." I want to think of myself as a reporter, first and foremost.

And maybe that's selfish, but I can't help it. A reporter is who I am, just like you're the guy who saves the world. We can't help being who we are, after all. And we all have to follow our own path, not someone else's.

I feel like I'm perilously close to following your path, and stepping off my own. I don't want that to happen.

But even if I back away a little, even if I spend some time trying to find my own way through life, I want you to know that I love you. I always have, and I always will.

And someday, I'll tell you that.

But if you were paying attention last night... you already know.

-The End-

8 comments:

Alicia said...

ooo This is soo amazing! Sweet, sad and yet so true! I honestly wish that Chloe would do exactly that. She needs to get back on that hard-knock reporter she was in early seasons, not just a sidekick. I love your writinga nd you are brilliantly talented.

Anonymous said...

I love this story, I think it's perfect and really explains Chloe's place lately, other then being the Reporter she is more of the Sidekick. Which is fine but like you said she needs to find her own path for a while.

I loved this story, wrote it very well and really got the point across in a perfect way! Amazing job and keep up the great work!
<3

dreamy-betty said...

That was lovely .. and possibly the only story that deals with Zod's aftermath without throwing in Jimmy. That alone makes the story special ;)

svsallivan said...

great story. this all tru. i like how Chloe take a step back. it's perfect end ...

sanaazzy said...

aww bittersweet, i loved it!

amber611 said...

Elly,
That was just plain Awesome, Amazing, Wonderful and SO Beautiful!!!!!! That letter was just SO PERFECT!!!!!! :) I swear I felt like I was really listening to Chloe's REAL thoughts, it was just SO Real!!!! I swear I don't know how you come up with stuff, you are such a talented writer!!!!! :) You brought tears to my eyes, because that "letter" was just so full of love, and just what Chloe would write to Clark after their kiss!!!! :) Keep up the Amazing work and again, Amazing job!!!!!! :) Thanks for sharing!! :)

Take Care,
Amber :)

blackheart_me said...

LOVE CHLOE'S POV but also mostly that she's writing. It's a familiar style to me. When I write I write exactly like that. Like a story or when I want to get something out of my chest but the only means to do it is by writing it, I write it as if I'm speaking to the person. LOVE IT! I'm touched with the way you made her train of thought go into. "But not until then. Because I don't want to think of myself as "the girl who helps Clark Kent," or even "the girl who helps Clark Kent save the world." I want to think of myself as a reporter, first and foremost." I LOVE THAT! Chloe would want to be known as her own person and not as "Oh Clark's friend", I love how you touch on that even if on the show they've skipped over it. THIS WAS AWESOME ELLY!
Deep, bittersweet and honest. I loved it!!

BloodSugar said...

That was so beautiful I'm close to tears.
But instead, you kissed me back.
You kissed me back like you'd always wanted to kiss me, too. Like you might kiss me forever, if the world wasn't falling down around our ears. You wrapped your arms around me and pulled me right up against you.

Perfect.
PERFECT.
Exactly my thoughts about their kiss!!!
You're a genius!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I love you.
And this story.
Ugh <3