Friday, September 04, 2009

Feels Like the First Time

Season 3
Rating: Adult. If you're under eighteen, please go elsewhere now.
Disclaimer: These characters belong to the CW and DC Comics, not to me.
Screencap from Dynamic Duo.
Based on a prompt by writrgurl: I'd love to see a story where Clark loses his virginity to Chloe ...Something with humor would be great, where Clark's not the stud he thought he'd be (ten second man, anyone?).

"I have to admit, Chlo, I don't exactly know how..."

"It's okay, farmboy. It's not all that complicated. Most people figure it out without even checking Google."

"Yeah, but what if I hurt you?"

"Hurt me? Please. Clark, I know you lift a lot of hay bales on a daily basis, but it's not like you could rip me apart with your bare hands or anything."

"Heh, heh. Yeah, I guess not. Still..."

"Is this really your first time?"

"Yeah, Chlo. It really is. I, uh, guess you can tell."

"No. This is nice, Clark. You're a very good kisser."

"Am I really?"

"Yes. I could kiss you all day long."

"Thanks. But I don't think I can kiss you much longer without, uh..."

"Okay. Let's just get your jeans out of the way, all right?"


"What's wrong, Clark? Did you think we were going to make love with our clothes on?"

"I just... I mean, you just kind of grabbed my crotch..."

"Clark. You do realize your crotch is going to be intimately involved in this process, right?"

"I pay attention in health class, Chlo. I do know how it works."

"Then quit yelping every time I touch you, okay?"

"I just... well, the honest truth is I haven't even gotten to second base with a girl yet."

"I think you have now."

"Um. Yeah. Well, I meant before now. Um... are you going to take your jeans off?"

"I really think you need a refresher course, Clark. Of course I am. Otherwise, how are we going to...?"

"Oh, my God. Chloe, you're gorgeous."

"Thank you. I'm glad you think so. You look pretty darn good in the buff, too."

"I'm not, uh, totally..."

"Well, we can fix that. Let's get your shirt off..."


"Look, it might not be necessary, per se, but I haven't seen your chest since last summer, when we went to Crater Lake. I think I've been very patient, but my patience is at an end. Strip."

"Uh... I've grown a little since then, I think."

"Oh, wow. You really have. Your chest would make Hercules envious."

"Thanks, but I'm not all that..."

"You're incredible. I mean that sincerely. This chest is a work of art."

"Yours is too. If I could just get this stupid bra off..."

"It's not that complicated, genius. Here, let me help."

"Oh, my God."

"As much as I'm enjoying this mutual admiration society, I'd like to move on to..."

"Yes. Absolutely. I totally and completely concur. By all means, let's move on. Just come over here to the couch..."

"Wait a minute, how did we get here so fast?"

"So fast? I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about."

"We were on the other side of the loft, and then there was kind of a blur..."

"A blur. Right."

"I'm serious."

"Sure you are. I might be in a hurry to make love to you, but I'm not turbo-powered, you know."

"Still. It was really weird..."

"Oh, you and your weirdar. Come on, Chlo, quit talking so much, okay?"

"Okay, but I still thought... ohhhh. Never mind."

"Oh. God. Is it always like this?"

"Um, I'm not exactly a great expert, Clark. But no, I don't think so. This is amazing."

"Ohhhhh. Yesssss."

"Hey. Excuse me. Are you, like, finished?"

"Mmmmmmm. Yeah, why?"

"Because that took like thirty seconds!"

"I'm sensing disapproval in your voice..."

"Clark, it's supposed to take a little longer than that."

"Like forty-five seconds?"

"No, Clark. This is not a time to be turbo-powered, trust me. You're supposed to go slow, so the woman gets some enjoyment out of it, too."

"Oh. You're saying you didn't like it?"

"Don't look so crushed, farmboy. I liked it fine, but I didn't like it quite as much as you did, if you get my drift."

"Oh, I see. So you didn't..."

"No, I didn't. See, it takes girls a little longer. I'm not a vending machine, you know? You can't just stick in a quarter and get a prize. It takes a little effort on your part."

"Okay, Chlo. I'm sorry. This was my first time."

"Yeah, I know. That's okay. I bet the second time will be even better."

"I don't think I could survive anything better."

"We'll find out, won't we?"

"Hey. What are you doing? Why are you grabbing... wait, Chlo, that's pretty much worn out."

"Is it?"

"Unnnnhhhh. Well, okay, maybe not totally..."

"Come on, Clark. Let's see if we can make it forty-five seconds this time."

"Ohhhhh. Okay. Maybe if we practice, we can work our way up to a whole minute."

"Maybe we can. I figure it never hurts to try."

-The End-


Tonya said...

"Ohhhhh. Okay. Maybe if we practice, we can work our way up to a whole minute."

That was just too funny.

Anonymous said...

Heeeee! Thank you so much for writing this! It made me laugh aloud all the way through it. Great work! I especially like Clark forgetting his powers and superspeeding with her to the couch :p

Anonymous said...

Oh, I forgot my favorite line. "I'm not a vending machine, you know? You can't just stick in a quarter and get a prize. It takes a little effort on your part."

OMG, that was priceless!

A whole minute, huh? Wow, Clark. You keep aiming for the sky, there, LOL.

Anonymous said...

Loved it!! I agree with wriitrgurl; that was my favorite line, too. Nice screencap!


inked said...

BWAAAH! Adorable, you captured it so well :D Thanks for the giggles, Elly!

worias said...

Delightful! I really shouldn't read from my phone at work. Apparantly repressed laughter makes me snort.

Writer and Cat said...

That was so funny! Ditto with the humor in the superspeeding part. Well, in all of it!

Sue Denim said...

I think I got more enjoyment out of this than Chloe did. I can totally see Clark with this problem at the age you have him at. I'm glad they get a second go.

Anonymous said...

Hee, love it!

blackheart_me said...

ROTFL, hilarious Elly!! Loved it!!

Anonymous said...

This is very funny!!