Saturday, September 26, 2009


Clark- Kal/Chloe
Season 9
Rating: Adult (not graphic). If you're under eighteen, please go elsewhere now.
Disclaimer: These characters belong to the CW and DC Comics, not to me.
Sequel to Triad.

Trisexual, Book 2

Dude, it's time for sex. We haven't had sex in like twelve hours.

"Kal. Shut up. I'm working here."

You are not working. You're staring at a computer monitor thinking about how the reporter looks naked.

"I am composing an article on the recent change in bus routes. Quiet down."

Okay, but listen. Chloe just got up and headed out into the hall. If we go after her, we can catch her and--

"Kal. Shut up. She's on her way to an interview."

So? We can have sex in the alley behind the Planet again. That's always fun.

"Yeah, running the risk of getting arrested is always-- oh, hi, Mr. White. Uh, I'm sorry I was sitting here mumbling to myself. I, uh, always like to read what I've written out loud. It helps me fix mistakes."

You should just tell him you're chatting with your alter ego about sex. Be honest, Boy Scout! Honesty is crucially important!

"Yes, sir. I'll have this done in an hour, sir. I know you're waiting on it."

God, could you kiss his ass any harder?


I mean, seriously, any more kissing and your head would be right up his--

"That's enough, damn it. I'm trying to get this done. And he's my boss. My brand new boss, whom I'd really like to impress. Okay?"

But this is boooorrrrring.

"Whine, whine. Everything is boring to you. You're like a little kid, except instead of toys you want sex all the time. There's more to life than sex, you know."

Like what?

"Uh... truth, justice, and... well, other stuff."

Boy Scout, you can worry about truth and justice later. Right now we have a woody to worry about.

"I do not have a--"

Go ahead and finish that sentence out loud. I dare you. White's still over there, just a few desks away, and he's looking at you kind of funny. Go on. Say it. I double dog dare you!

"Are you trying to get me fired?"

Let me see. If you get fired, then we can hang out in the apartment in our underwear, eat Pop-Tarts, and have sex all day long. So... yeah, actually, that sounds like an awesome plan.

"There's only one flaw in your plan, genius. Chloe works here, not at home. So if we're at home, and Chloe's here..."

Yeah. I see your point.

"So it's really in your best interest to shut up and let me finish this article."

Okay, okay. Finish your stupid article. But after that, could we please go do lunch with the reporter?

"And by lunch you mean..."

Fucking, yeah.

"God, you are so disgustingly crude. It embarrasses me to know that you're in my head."

It embarrasses me to be here, stuck in your boring Boy Scout brain. But at least I have the satisfaction of knowing I'm your better half. And besides, the reporter likes me better.

"She does not!"

Of course she does. Remember the other night, when I got that brilliant idea to...

"Okay. Yeah. She did like that."

And the other day, when we were in the bathtub together, and I decided that it would be fun to...

"Um, yeah, so she was kind of impressed by your... creativity. But that does not mean she likes you better."

Tell yourself that if it makes you feel better, Boy Scout. How's that article coming along?

"It'd come along faster if you'd shut the fuck up."

Dude. You're at work. Watch that potty mouth. You're starting to sound like me.

"God forbid. Okay... that's it. I'm going to email this to Mr. White now."

Don't forget to send some virtual ass kisses along with it.

"Shut up, Kal. Okay. I'm done. And conveniently, I happen to have some research to do outside of the office..."

Research on female human sexuality?

"Something like that, yeah. Come on. Let's get out of here."

I'm with you, Boy Scout. Not that I can really be anywhere else.

"Too bad for me, yeah. All right, come on."

Hurry it up.

"I can't go too much faster than the speed of sound, Kal. Don't worry. I have a feeling that Chloe's going to be totally in favor of this research."

She always is. That's why we love her.

"That's one of the reasons, yeah."

Red alert! Target sighted! Move to acquire target, helmsman!

"Kal. I am not a submarine, or the Starship Enterprise, or whatever it is you're playing. Stop that."

Just kidding, Boy Scout. Load the photon torpedoes, and then grab her and drag her into that alley over there, will ya?

"Geez, Kal, you're such a caveman. Don't you think I should drop out of superspeed and, you know, ask first?"

Like she's going to say no to us and our huge schlong. Dude, we're hot shit. Girls love us.

"True, but I'm still going to ask. It's polite to ask."

Oh, fine. Ask. But I bet you anything she'll say yes.

"What do you know. She did."

Can we drag her into the alley now?

"Yeah, Kal. That sounds like a plan. Let's do that."

-The End-

Read the sequel, Triangulation.


Anonymous said...

this was totally fun to picture!

Elly said...

Thank you for commenting, cassia!!! I'm glad you liked it!!!

Anonymous said...

that's was so fun! awesome job!

Tonya said...

I have to say, for me, the funniest part was having him almost caught out by Perry. Don't get me wrong, the rest was funny as well, but that topped the cake for me!

Shirasensoji said...

'Like she's going to say no to us and our huge schlong. Dude, we're hot shit. Girls love us.'


GOD, I lol'd incredibly hard. Best. Part.

DeeDee said...

Poor Clark. Kal gets out once, and now he can't shut him up!

Lovely little sequel, Elly. Thanks for the Perry mention! I was thinking; how about a threequel where Kal and Chloe end up in Clark's body, and Clark finds himself in Chloe's? :-D

Mariko said...

lmao! Clark is crazy but Kal is hilarous! I liked "Can you kiss ass any harder?"