Thursday, March 01, 2007

Two Friends, One First Date

Season 6
Rating: Adult. If you're under eighteen, please go elsewhere now.
Disclaimer: These characters belong to the CW and DC Comics, not to me.
Sequel to Two Friends, One Morning After

"Maybe it's just me, but it seems a little late for a first date."

"Well, I figure last night didn't count as a date, exactly."

"Yeah, because sex is so totally not a dating thing."

"Geez, Chlo, keep your voice down. We're in public."

"So? Are you ashamed of having had sex with me?"

"Of course not. It's just, you know, we're in public."

"You already mentioned that."

"I just don't like discussing my sex life in public, okay?"

"Which formerly wasn't a problem for you, since you haven't had much of a sex life."

"Harsh, Chlo."

"But true. Come on, Clark, don't be such a stick in the mud. No one's listening. We can talk about sex all we want. Sexual positions, oral sex, sex toys..."


"What? You don't want to discuss your favorite sexual positions over dinner?"

"Look, can we drag this conversation back onto topic?"

"I thought sex was the topic."

"Only for you. Sex always seems to be the topic where you're concerned. Lately, I mean. I was trying to explain why this is our first date. Last night wasn't a date because I was protecting you from the meteor freak."

"Since they still haven't caught him, you could argue you're still protecting me."

"Protecting you by taking you out to the best Italian restaurant in Metropolis? Come on, Chlo, cut me some slack here. This is a date."

"Okay. So this is our official first date. So, uh, what exactly do people talk about on a first date?"

"Um, I don't know, actually. It's been a while since I really dated. Movies, maybe. Seen any good movies lately?"

"Well, there was Back to the Future again last week."

"Yeah, but we watched that together. Like, for the eighteenth time. Seen any movies without me?"

"Uh, not really. I mean, Jimmy and I were going to watch his new DVD of Casino Royale last week, but you called, and we wound up running off to help you with that whole LuthorCorp situation."

"Okay. So movies aren't a great topic. What else do people talk about on a first date? Sports, maybe?"

"I'm not a big sports fan. But we went to see that Sharks game last month."

"Yeah, but that was us again. Together."

"Remind me again which date this is?"

"Well, it's our first official date. I guess we've had a few other unofficial dates."

"Like about four times a week for the past six years."

"Um, yeah. I'm starting to see why you and Jimmy broke up."

"Yeah, I guess maybe that was part of it. It seemed like I was seeing you a lot more often than I was seeing Jimmy."

"Well, I'm cuter."


"Search your feelings, Chloe. You know it to be true."

"Yeah, okay, you're decent looking. Not to mention modest."

"Decent looking? I'm crushed. I think my ego just melted into a puddle on the floor."

"That's okay. When the waiter comes over, we'll get him to mop it up."

"I hope he gets over here soon. I'm hungry."

"You're always hungry, Clark."

"So what are you ordering, anyway?"

"Same thing I always order, I guess. Fettuccini alfredo."

"Complete with a side order of whining about how it makes your thighs chubby."

"Are my thighs chubby?"

"I did not say that. I totally did not say that. It's just that you never eat at an Italian restaurant without indulging in half an hour's worth of angst about the calories."

"Not all of us have your supermetabolism, Starman."

"Your metabolism is just fine, Chloe. Your thighs are just fine, too. Trust me. I got a really good look at them last night. More than once. And they're gorgeous."



"Huh. Maybe I'll order tiramisu, too."

"Order whatever you want, Chlo. You'll look gorgeous even when you weigh three hundred pounds..."


"Ow. I was kidding. Stop kicking me."

"I'll just have a salad."

"Oh, you will not. You always say that. But as soon as the waiter comes over, you know the words fettuccini alfredo are going to fall right out of your mouth."

"Yeah, you're right. You know me too well."

"True. And after last night, I know you even better."

"Oh, please. You didn't learn anything last night you didn't already know."

"Sure I did. I figured out you like this..."

"Hey! What happened to not talking about sex in public?"

"We're not talking about it."

"But your hand is..."

"There's a tablecloth, Chlo. A nice long tablecloth. And besides, the lighting in here is pretty dim. No one can see. Chill out."


"That's better. Now you're nice and relaxed."

"No, I'm not. I'm seriously tense."

"Maybe I can help you with that."

"In the middle of a crowded restaurant? What happened to my naive farmboy?"

"You happened to your naive farmboy. My naivete has taken quite a few hits since last night."

"Well, that's not necessarily a bad thing. Ahhhhh.... stop it, Clark."

"Okay. If you really want me to stop. We could always leave, I guess. I wouldn't want you to be tense."

"But we haven't had dinner yet. I need my fettuccini alfredo... I mean, salad."

"Okay, then. We don't have to leave. Let me see if I can help you with that problem without anyone else noticing. Because I don't want to get arrested for public lewdness, but I wouldn't want you to be tense, either."

"Ohhhh... oh, my God, Clark..."

"Shut up, Chlo. Try to be quiet for once in your life."


"Is that your idea of being quiet?"

"How on earth... do you expect me... to be quiet... when you're doing... that?"

"If you can't be quiet, I'm just going to have to stop."

"God, no. Don't stop."

"Then be quiet."


"Okay. Well. That was sort of quiet. But now the couple over there is looking at us a little strangely."

"Well, no kidding, considering we just played out a scene from When Harry Met Sally."

"It's been a while since I saw that one, but I'm pretty sure she was faking it in that scene."

"And you're so certain I wasn't faking it?"

"Damn it, Chloe. There went what's left of my ego."

"Kidding, Clark. I definitely wasn't faking. Where the hell's that waiter? I want that fettu-- I mean, salad now. I'm starving."

"Isn't that just like a woman? You give her a great orgasm, and she starts looking around for food."

"Well, the food here is supposed to be awesome."

"I think maybe everyone just likes the tablecloths."

"Ha. You might be right. What about you? Did you want some under the table action?"

"Uhhhh. Chloe, stop that.... ahhhh."

"And you said I was loud."

"I'm being quiet. Oh, God."

"That is totally not quiet."

"Ahhhhh... shit. Here comes the waiter."

"It's all right, farmboy. Let's order, and then we'll take care of any other hunger you might have. Okay?"

"Okay. God, I'm hungry."

"Of course you are. You're always hungry, Clark."

"Only for you, Chlo."

"And food."

"Well, yeah, sometimes for food. But mostly... for you."

-The End-


Anonymous said...

Funny as always. I love these little trips into all dialogue land and as usual the laughs just keep coming. I loved Chloe's "salad"...erm...alfredo, Clark's usual hesitance to discuss sex in public, and the real When Harry Met Sally moment. Feel free to add to this set of stories anytime!

;) Toby

Kahae said...

Through the whole 'two friends' series i couldnt stop smiling. I agree with Toby on two things, 1: dialogue land is always great and 2: ALWAYS feel free to add another story to this set. Keep the laughs coming.

Your faithful fan,

blackheart_me said...

The last lines were BEAUTIFUL But i just loved the whole scenery of their first date. Mid conversation they finally realized that if anything, they're dating all the time which is cute haha. and having no topic to talk about leads to very naughty things under the table cloth. And Chloe's "salad" :P

Anonymous said...

Oh, that was amazing! Too cute for words, really! I love how playful they are about the whole thing! And the..... playful orgasms in public....LOL!!!! I couldn't stop laughing!

I am truly a devoted fan of yours, Elly!!!