Saturday, April 28, 2007

Two Friends, One Meteor Freak

Season 6
Rating: Adult. If you're under eighteen, please go elsewhere now.
Disclaimer: These characters belong to the CW and DC Comics, not to me.
Sequel to
Two Friends, One First Date

"So what are we going to do tonight?"

"Same thing we do every night, Pinky. Try to take over the world."

"Ha. If you ever tried to take over the world, you'd accomplish it in a lot less than a night. Sometimes you really scare me, Chloe Sullivan."

"Yeah, I've always wanted to run the world. And I now have power over an army of one, who will do anything I want."

"You do not have power over me, and I will not do anything you want. I totally draw the line at anything illegal, immoral, or unethica... ahhhh, God. Chlo. What are you doing?"

"What were you saying about drawing the line?"

"Never mind. Keep doing that, and I'll do anything you want. I swear."

"You are so easy. Good thing I'm not really the criminal mastermind type."

"Yeah, that's lucky for me. I don't feel like taking over the world tonight, anyway. All of a sudden I have other plans."

"Hey! Did it ever occur to you I might like being on top?"

"Trust me, Chlo. I've always figured you'd want to be on top."

"Is that some sort of cloaked insult?"

"Nah, I wouldn't insult a girl who's got her hand there. Just an observation of... ahhh... fact."

"Well, okay. As long as you aren't trying to insult me. So you like what I'm doing?"


"Oh, my God!"

"My sentiments exactly."

"Not that. There's a guy in the room with us!"

"Fuck. What crappy timing. Hey, you. We're not interested in a threesome, okay?"

"I think that's our meteor freak, Clark. I recognize his face from the pictures in the paper, and the police report."

"Yeah, me too. Doesn't have much to say, does he?"

"I think maybe he figures that huge gun can do all his talking for him."

"Yeah, well, guns don't worry me... oh, shit."

"Clark! Are you all right?"

"Uhhhh. Lean over here, Chlo, and keep your voice down. I think maybe he's not using... standard ammo... if you get my drift."

"K bullets, you mean?"

"I think maybe. Either that or he's got some in his pockets somewhere. I can't get near him, Chlo."

"But that would mean... he knows all about you."

"If he can really pass through solid objects, he might be able to hide in walls. He might have been spying on us for a while."

"Great. Not just a murderous psychopath, but a perverted murderous psychopath."

"You know, you might want to cut down on the insults a bit. The guy has a gun."

"Which is why we're whispering. So he won't hear us."

"Why is he just standing there and letting us whisper, anyway?"

"Honestly? I don't think he's too bright. I strongly doubt he ties his own shoelaces."

"Okay, well, that's a point in our favor, then. Look, Chlo, you need to see if you can talk your way out of here. Don't worry about me, okay? Just try to convince him to let you leave."

"Oh, please. Do you really think I'm going to walk out of here and leave you behind?"

"No, and that's what's worrying me. For a smart girl, you can be awfully dumb."

"Shut up, farmboy. I have an idea."

"Oh, God. I had a terrible feeling you were going to say that."

"Hey there. Can we talk? No? You're not much of a talker, huh? Look, I was wondering if maybe we could negotiate. You know, work this out somehow. Because yeah, I know the cops are after you, but maybe we could help you hide out somewhere. My friend here has a nice big farm. Plenty of room there for someone to hide if you want..."

"Chloe, I think he wants you to shut up."

"You think? I figured he was just pointing the gun at me for fun. Okay, okay... relax, big guy. I'm shutting up now. I swear."

"Hey. You. Leave her the hell alone."

"Yeah, Clark, because you're so intimidating when you're all sprawled out on the floor."

"Do you ever shut up?"

"Maybe if you asked nicely. Or waved a gun at me."

"Believe me, I'm tempted. Chloe, I'm pretty sure he's thinking about hitting you over the head with that paperweight he just picked up. I have a bad feeling you're really starting to piss him off."

"Am I pissing you off, big guy? I really don't mean to. Look, I just want to help you with this problem..."

"Oh, my God! Chlo!"

"What? I'm fine."

"You hit him! While he was holding a fucking gun!"

"Well, excuse me, but he was about to clobber me with a paperweight. Serves him right, doesn't it? Anyway, it seemed like the best way to get him unconscious. Nothing's better than a nice lamp to the skull."

"He can pass through walls, goddamnit! How did you know the lamp wouldn't go straight through his head?"

"Look, Einstein, he must be able to phase in and out. I figure whatever he's holding or wearing phases with him, but he couldn't have picked up that paperweight unless he was phased in. Makes sense, doesn't it?"


"Brawn but no brains. Oh, well. Fortunately for you, I like dumb guys."

"You know, once he was holding that paperweight, he could have phased back out any time he wanted to."

"I figured he wouldn't till it was time to go back through a wall. Why would he bother?"

"Gee, I don't know. Maybe to get out of the way of a big, heavy object someone was trying to smash against his freaking skull!"

"That's why I tried to move really quickly. I don't move at the speed of sound, but I guess I was fast enough."

"God, you're going to give me a heart attack one of these days. Look... get rid of the damn kryptonite, will you?"

"I'm looking for it. I don't see it. The ammo's normal, and he doesn't have anything in his pockets. I guess he doesn't know anything about you after all. Looks like the kryptonite's in his body somewhere. That's probably what turned him into a freak in the first place-- somehow some green K got imbedded under his skin. We've seen it happen before. "

"Then I need to get the hell out of this apartment."

"Okay. Just let me call the cops first, while he's still unconscious... Okay, come on, let me help you up. Shouldn't we tie him up or something?"

"He can phase through things, including rope, remember? Einstein."

"Oh, crap, you're right. So how do we make sure he doesn't escape?"

"Superhearing, Chlo. I'll keep an ear on his heartbeat. If he starts to wake up, I'll know about it."

"God, you're handy to have around. Decent-looking, too. Look at everyone gaping at you. It's a good thing you're still wearing jeans, or everyone in the Talon would get an eyeful. Although that would probably help sales, come to think of it."


"Everyone's checking out your chest. All the women, I mean, and a pretty healthy percentage of the guys, too. We should really have you stroll through the Talon half-naked more often. I bet receipts double tonight."

"Shut up, Chlo."

"Shutting up. Feel better now?"

"Yeah. Thanks. Sometimes you really scare me, Chloe Sullivan."

"Oh, for heaven's sake. Don't go all mushy on me now. We're in public, so no PDAs, okay? Let go of me."

"No. You're crying."

"Am not."

"Are too. I can feel the tears on my chest. You were scared."

"Was not."

"Were too."

"Okay, maybe a little. But for you, not me. I thought maybe there were green K bullets in the gun, and if the gun went off when I hit him..."

"Yeah, I know. I had the same thought about you. Look, Chlo, don't ever attack an armed guy like that again. Okay?"

"So, what? I should just wait around and let him clobber me with a paperweight, so he can shoot you? You know I'm not going to stand back and let someone hurt you, Clark."

"Yeah, Chlo. I do know that. You're my army of one."

"Oh, damn it. Now I am crying."

"Quit crying. Badasses don't cry. Listen, Chlo, once the cops come, and they get that guy out of your apartment, I'm going to take you back to bed and see if I can get you to agree to do anything I want."

"I'd do anything for you, Clark. You don't have to take me to bed first."

"But I like taking you to bed, Chlo."

"Well, okay. If you absolutely insist."

"I do. But as long as we're down here, and waiting for the cops, I think I'll have a muffin. Maybe two."

"Or maybe two dozen. You and your muffins."

"Just trying to keep my strength up, Chlo."

"Good idea, farmboy. Because by the time I'm through with you... you're going to need all the strength you can get."

-The End-


Anonymous said...


Yet another great story for the "two friends" series.


Anonymous said...

Damn you Ellen...
You just keep getting me hook - you can do no wrong! Thanks for continuing to inspire me - with the likes of you writing, we'll never measure up!

blackheart_me said...

AWWW! I'll never think about baked goods the same way again :P jkjk. I loved it. Both of them having each other as the army, they're comforting each other, it was so adorable. We felt the LOVE!
I loved it Elly.
Unique and LOVELY :)