Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Two Friends, One Wedding
Manip by CircularTime.
Two Friends, One Honeymoon
Two Friends, One Camping Trip
Two Friends, One Sundae
Rating: Adult (mildly so). If you're under eighteen, please go elsewhere now.
Disclaimer: These characters belong to the CW and DC Comics, not to me.
"Tell me again why we didn't just elope?"
"Because our friends and family would have hunted us down and killed us, farmboy. Now stop whining and get that tie on."
"I've never been any good at tying these things..."
"Stand still. I'll do it."
"Isn't there some sort of rule that you're not supposed to see me on our wedding day?"
"No. The rule is that you can't see me. But since you have x-ray vision, and since this old farmhouse isn't lined with lead, I figured there was no way you weren't going to sneak a peek at me through the walls. Since I'm such a radiant vision of beauty and all. Have I mentioned that I loathe this stupid dress?"
"I don't peek, Chlo. And if I did, it definitely wouldn't be at your wedding dress. What are you wearing underneath it?"
"You heard me. It has petticoats and boning built in, and I just decided to skip the panties. It's not like I'm going to need them very long."
"Um... okay. I'm having a really hard time not sneaking a peek now."
"Really? Hey... you seem to have boning in your tuxedo, too."
"That's not boning. It's a boner. Damn it, Chlo, why did you have to tell me this right before the ceremony? There are three hundred people out there on my mom's front lawn, waiting for us. Do you really want me to stand up in front of three hundred people with a hard-on?"
"Just trying to keep your mind where it belongs, farmboy. On me."
"Believe me, my mind is on you. A little too much, maybe. Because now my body wants to be in you."
"I don't think I can wait. Suppose we just sort of..."
"Stop it right there, buddy. No. You'll crumple my skirt."
"Oh, for heaven's sakes, Clark. You can wait a few hours."
"I'm not so sure about that. We totally should have eloped. Then we could have done it whenever we wanted."
"Yeah, and then I wouldn't have to be wearing this stupid dress. But we can't get everything we want."
"Stop calling it stupid. It's beautiful. You're beautiful."
"I think I look like I fell through a time warp from the Victorian period. You know, wedding dresses are a throwback to a time when women were oppressed and kept from realizing their dreams, not to mention being treated like children and chattel..."
"Hold it, Chlo. Let's get the inner feminist under control, okay? If you didn't want to be married in frills and ruffles, the time to decide that was several months ago, at least. Not fifteen minutes before the wedding."
"Yeah. Okay. You're right. I'm just nervous, I guess."
"Nervous? You? About what?"
"About standing up in front of three hundred people, I guess."
"You sure? You sure it isn't the pledging-yourself-for-life-to-an-alien part that's scaring you?"
"Oh, for heaven's sake, Clark. Don't be stupid. Of course not. I pledged myself to you a long time ago."
"Yeah. I guess you did. Years ago, you told me you'd die before you'd betray me. When you said that, I knew you'd stick by me forever."
"Exactly. This is just a formality."
"A formality we're both going to be late for, if we don't get a move on. Is my tie knotted to your satisfaction, madam?"
"I think so. You look very handsome, Clark."
"And you look beautiful, despite the unfortunate historical connotations of oppression and sexism associated with your gown."
"Oh, stop. Fine. I admit it. Feminism or no feminism, I like this dress."
"I like it, too. But I like what's under it even more."
"Hey. Get those big clumsy hands away from my dress."
"Come on, Chlo. Just a quickie. It'll only take a minute."
"Oh, right, that's always a sure way to talk me into bed. There's nothing I like more than sixty-second sex."
"Okay. Two minutes."
"The ceremony starts in ten minutes."
"So that gives us eight minutes to get downstairs and out onto the lawn. No problem."
"Two minutes. Are you serious?"
"You drive a hard bargain. Three minutes. That's my final offer."
"Hmmm. Well, what girl could resist an offer like that?"
"You mean it?"
"Yeah, I mean it. Just don't wrinkle the dress, okay?"
"I'll be careful. Oh, my God. You were serious."
"Of course I was serious. I never joke about underwear, Clark."
"Oh, God, Chlo. You feel so good. I can't wait till we get to the hotel tonight, so we can do this properly."
"Properly? You mean, like spending four minutes on it?"
"At least four minutes, Mrs. Soon-to-be-Kent. Maybe even five."
"Wow. Too bad we don't have five minutes to spare right now."
"Well... it's not like they're going to start without us, Chlo."
"So I don't suppose there's really any rush."
"I guess you're right."
"Anyway, these are our last few minutes of being single. We might as well enjoy them, right?"
"I'm definitely enjoying them."
"Yeah. Me too. But you know what?"
"I think I'm going to enjoy being married to you even more."
"Me too, farmboy. Now quit talking, and start performing."
"Well... finish. Oh, hell. I just accidentally undid your tie."
"Don't worry about it, Chlo. After all, as soon as we're done here... the very first thing we're going to do is tie the knot."
Read Two Friends, One Honeymoon